thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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