My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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