No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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