Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
