He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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