and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
