man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
