He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
