Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
