My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
