Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
