She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
