I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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