she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
