Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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