I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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