his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
