I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
