need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
