I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
