Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
