I think my fart just growled at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize