nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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