It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
