I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Alive.
So much puke
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
