On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
