Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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