i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
