He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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