dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
