get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
