New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
