Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
