Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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