A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
