In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
