i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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