Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
