wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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