I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
