Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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