My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
