I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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