first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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