i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
