I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
