I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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