i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
