i think my tv is drunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
