I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
