3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
