i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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