Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
