ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
