Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
