As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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