Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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