U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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