people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like a drive thru vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
