Don't you send me to vm
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
