I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
