I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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