We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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