Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
