hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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