smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
