soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
